


Dumber Than He Looks

by Bam4Me



Series: Unexpected Consequences [3]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Established Relationship, Gen, M/M, Obi-Wan/Satine - Freeform, Obi-Wan/Siri, Open Relationships, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Satine Kryze/Siri Tachi - Freeform, Shmi Lives, Siri/Satine/Obi-Wan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 18:42:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14063091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bam4Me/pseuds/Bam4Me
Summary: Obi-Wan plans the greatest present ever for Anakin, and Quinlan tries to talk some sense into his friend. A futile effort, of course, because nothing could ever be easy where Obi-Wan Kenobi is concerned.





	Dumber Than He Looks

**Author's Note:**

> gatersgonewild.tumblr.com

Even children can be depressed. No one is exempt from pain, age isn’t a factor in why someone goes to the doctor.

 

Obi-Wan had had his fair share of ‘everybody gets hurt, and when we do, we need to heal and get better’ talks from the mind healers since his bond with Qui-Gon broke in the bowels of Naboo.

 

It was hard to get over that, the loss of his master, and arguably the closest thing he had to a father. It was hard to feel that bond break and snap, fracturing and turning into an open wound in his mind until the healers figured it out a year ago and forced him to see a mind healer because he couldn’t go on missions like that.

 

He had an appointment in another month to see if he could get the all clear to leave Coruscant again. He wasn’t completely sure he’d get a pass, but he was trying. As much as he wanted to wallow in sorrow and guilt over his master, he knew he had to move on, and he needed to make things work.

 

He had a padawan now. Anakin was  _ precious _ to him, and the idea of wallowing in pity and leaving the boy to fend for himself was painful. He didn’t want to hurt him. As it was, he was already lying to him when he told Anakin the reason they stayed on Coruscant was because Anakin needed to catch up with temple schooling.

 

The boy was a  _ genius, _ absorbing information like a protocol droid. He was already better than any of his agemates when it came to technology, he was quickly surpassing them all in other fields.

 

Obi-Wan was running out of options for why they needed to stay on the planet. There were only so many senate missions they could take without Anakin asking more questions. He could already tell his student had an itch to get out and explore. 

 

Well, actually, Obi-Wan could tell a lot about his student just from being around him, and one thing at the moment, was that Anakin was starting to feel the bone deep ache of… loss…

 

It was a painful reflection upon himself, and he built up nets of shielding around his mind, afraid that if he let too much ache seep through, he would get worse himself, and bleed his own grief back to him. He couldn’t let that happen. He was the adult here, it was his job to keep them afloat. 

 

Which is why he needed to… fix things. He needed to figure out what was wrong and fix it.

 

It was obvious what was wrong, when you thought about it. Anakin was a slave, he’d lost many people, but this grief was new. It couldn’t be Qui-Gon, Anakin hadn’t known him well enough.

 

Thank force, because Obi-Wan still wasn’t exactly sure how to help Anakin with that when he was falling apart over the same person.

 

No, he missed his mother. It was simple, and it was painful, and Obi-Wan couldn’t even  _ consider _ the idea of telling him to  _ get over it _ like the rest of the council seemed to be leaning towards.

 

How can you tell someone their grief is wrong, when you reflect a mirror of it back to them for the same reason.

 

He needed to fix this. It would be so much easier to fix this if he was allowed to leave the planet right now.

 

He knew someone that would help though.

 

“You want me to go to some Outer Rim planet… and buy you a slave?”

 

Obi-Wan gave his friend the  _ blandest _ of looks. “Quinlan, tell me, where did my padawan grow up?”

 

It took Quinlan about ten seconds this time. “Oh little gods, you’re buying your kid’s mother, aren’t you?”

 

Obi-Wan looked at his fingers for a second, picking at one of his nails. “Technically, the Duchess of Mandalore is buying Ani’s mother for him.”

 

Quinlan looked a little bit amused, sitting back on the couch in the living room. They were having tea while Anakin was in classes today. He wouldn’t be back for another hour. “Hmm, you never told me how you got the nice duchess wrapped around your  _ delicate _ little fingers. Now she’s buying a slave for you. How sweet.”

 

Obi-Wan looked between Quinlan and his mug, lips set in a little scowl. “She’s not… okay I’m not one to talk to, she bought out half a sex toy shop for Siri you know.”

 

Quinlan just smirked at him, half amused, half jealous. “Why exactly do you  _ know _ that?”

 

Obi-Wan force-hurled a biscuit at his head, which he ducked with a laugh. “Obi-Wan Kenobi, I’m starting to think you’re planning to take over the galaxy, one planetary ruler at a time. Soon they’ll all be sending you extravagant gifts to the temple, asking for your hand in marriage, such a life you lead.”

 

Obi-Wan looked down at his mug with a lost little look on his face, before shrugging. “It doesn’t matter. They all find someone they love more. They’ll forget about me soon enough, no broken hearts.”

 

It was the worst kept secret on Alderaan that the prince already had himself a  _ consort _ on Coruscant. It was a badly kept secret on Mandalore that the duchess liked to keep Jedi, and liked a few of them in particular. Obi-Wan was well liked by many.

 

But none of them stayed.

 

Satine had Siri. The two of them were soulmates from the moment Obi-Wan had introduced them. Bail had Breha, and as much as he said he wasn’t in love with her, that he loved many but girls weren’t on that list, Obi-Wan knew that they were soulmates as well… if a different sort.

 

He’s just… the-

 

“-some  _ side piece _ -”

 

Obi-Wan looked up in shock, bristling. “Excuse me?”

 

Quinlan gave him a look like he gave Aayla when she was complaining about him saying she was too young to date. “You’re so important, Obi, why can’t you see it? I damn well don’t care what you think they think about you, every damn one of them would be lost if you left them. You know, that even includes Breha and her consort. The two of them love you as well. I don’t understand why you never saw it, you have half the temple falling for you and you turn around with a shitty answer like ‘they’ll find someone else eventually’. You’re your own reason that you’re not closer to them, because you’re waiting for them to push you away. Eleven years.”

 

There was a pause, Obi-Wan staring at his hands when he replied. “Eleven years?”

 

“It’s been eleven years since you met Bail Organa and got him wrapped up in the Obi-Wan Attempts Life afterclass holo. Eleven years, almost all of that spent engaged to his fiance, but still with you. Because like everyone else, he couldn’t resist you.”

 

Obi-Wan looked up with a little cringe. He knew… but realizing was… “Oh god I missed the ten year anniversary. Do you think he would accept a date to Ani’s favorite garden enclosure as repayment?”

 

Quinlan felt like throwing his hands up in the air as he watched Obi-Wan  _ completely _ ignore everything he’d just said in favor of latching onto something with less consequence. “You know what, yeah, sure. He’d probably love that and he’d be all sappy and loving because he  _ loves you _ .”

 

Obi-Wan nodded, turning back with a determined look on his face, pushing the data pad he held into the man’s hands. “Here’s all the info you’re going to need to get here here. I’ll take care of everything after that, and I want her delivered right to the temple so we can remove her tracker and explosives. Satine should have the funds ready for you at the drop-off point, and when she’s here, I’ll take care of the rest.”

 

Quinlan made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, wanting to… something… Aayla was going to be in classes for a few more hours, he should go beat someone up in the training salls before he leaves.

 

He took the data pad with the same frustrated noise as before and got up to leave. Before he left he stopped, turning around with a serious look. “One day someone is going to tell you they love you, or ask you to marry them, or stay with them and leave the Order, and you won’t even know what to say, will you?”

 

Obi-Wan couldn’t answer that properly.

 

It had already  _ happened _ a few times.

 

***

 

Obi-Wan still had at least another month before he could be reevaluated to get approved for missions again, when he found himself outside the Jedi history classroom, waiting for Anakin and his agemates to get out of their class.

 

He wished he had a braid again, because he was wearing a hole into the neck of his robes with how often he was gnawing on the edge of his collar. Maybe he should grow his hair out.

 

The door opened up and the children all spilled out, most of them heading off for lunch with the hungry stomachs of preteens, but a few of them gave him funny looks as they passed. Masters waiting for their students to get out of classes wasn’t exactly unusual, but very few of their agemates had been picked as padawans yet, and Anakin was sort of an oddity… for a lot of reasons…

 

Anakin ignored his own growling stomach and instead of running off for food right away, he careened around the corner of the doorway to where he could feel Obi-Wan was, and crashed into his stomach with all the force of a nearly twelve year old body, letting out an excited little squeak as he wrapped his arms around his master, who immediately went from nervous, to pleased, unable to even hold himself back from anything but pleasant thoughts as he watched his padawan burrow himself in his robes.

 

For a half a second, his throat was tight, as he had a vivid image of the way he used to do the same thing with Qui-Gon. He was always such a cold child. He was still often cold as an adult. Anakin has much thicker than average robes, but he could always do with more heat.

 

He put a smile on his face, and knelt down so he was looking up at his grinning padawan. “Good class?”

 

Anakin grinned right back, nodding with enthusiasm. “Did you know that they use you and Master Qui-Gon as an example for recent prominent negotiators in the Jedi order?”

 

Obi-Wan grinned back at him. “I  _ do _ know that. They also like to bring us up whenever we’ve made a horrible mistake, and what we could have done instead. Many of my own mistakes have been the building blocks for guidelines on what not to do on other planets.”

 

Anakin snickered a little. Obviously he’s been treated to some of these anecdotes. Of course, they would never teach the students anything that could be painful for Obi-Wan to have to confront when the more outgoing of the younglings came asking questions, but there have been plenty of embarrassing stories to tell.

 

“They also said something that… I don’t think I’ve learned this word. Mom and I didn’t speak much basic on Tatooine, but I can’t figure out what it means.”

 

Obi-Wan nodded. That happened sometimes. Language was tricky enough, and he was exceedingly good at it, but some words just didn’t translate correctly. “What was it?”

 

“Consort.”

 

Obi-Wan smiled. “A consort is the… lover, or paramore, for a royal party. Sometimes kings have consorts, sometimes queens have them. Usually, they are not married to their consort, though there are a few planets where the ruling royal’s spouse is the consort. It’s hard to explain because it’s so different on so many planets.”

 

Anakin hummed, looking thoughtful. “Can princes and princesses have consorts?”

 

“Technically, yes. As long as they are considered a ruling party.”

 

“Oh. What are Alderaan’s laws on consorts?”

 

It took Obi-Wan a half a second to catch on, and another second to breath a little sigh. “Ani, who brought this up? I hope not Master Hy.”

 

Anakin shook his head, eyes big. “Natari Sii, says that you’re already the consort to one of the royals of Alderaan, and xi doesn’t know why the council still hasn’t gotten upset about it yet.”

 

That was… a loaded question. Obi-Wan’s lips twisted into a little frown. “Well… that’s… complicated…”

 

“Why?”

 

Obi-Wan sat back on his heels a little, looking off to the side for a moment. How did he explain to a child, that relationships were… strange… he tried going through the arguments in his head, and stopped short, eyes widening as he realized, he… was? He was Bail’s consort? Maybe.

 

The only thing that came out was, “Bail isn’t technically a ruling party. His mother is the queen, his father is the ruling prince. Since he’s married to the queen, he outranks his children. Bail is currently engaged to the woman who  _ will _ be the queen, but he’s not going to ascend the throne himself. He’s keeping his seat in the senate.”

 

“On Coruscant, where he can stay with you.”

 

Obi-Wan didn’t think he could get anymore shocked. He’s sure he looked like a bantha started by a speeder. “I…”

 

Anakin’s stomach growled, and Anakin glared down at it with a little pout, looking way too cute for his own good. Obi-Wan latched onto the change and got up off the floor, taking Anakin’s hand in his when the child reached for him. He was probably too big to be holding hands, but Anakin was clingier than anything, constantly needing to touch. 

 

Obi-Wan hated to admit it, but it was weirdly soothing. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ration bar, handing it to the child as they started walking towards the main entrance of the crèche, going to the main floor of the temple. Anakin took the bar with a frown, before tearing the flimsiplast with his teeth, not wanting to pull his hand back. “Are we needed in the senate, Master?”

 

Obi-Wan shook his head. “No, no mission for now, don’t worry, we’ll just be having lunch a little later than normal. We need to go to the healing halls, and I knew you’d need something to tide you over.”

 

Anakin shrugged a little, taking way too big of a bite of the bar and chewing without complaint. It was better than nothing, and he always believed Obi-Wan when he said there would be more later. Obi-Wan didn’t eat much himself, but he seemed to have a single minded focus in making sure his padawan wasn’t hungry. “What’s in the infirmary?”

 

Obi-Wan squeezed his hand a little, and Anakin felt a burst of pure  _ joy _ coming through their bond. “Well, your birthday is coming up in two days, and I think I’ve truly outdone myself with your present this year. I don’t think I’ll ever come up with a better present with this one.”

 

Anakin bounced a little as they walked, his own excitement reflecting back onto the master as they walked, making them both feel stupidly giddy and eager. Obi-Wan knew he should reprimand his student for projecting so hard -he’s pretty sure he just saw an older padawan walk into a wall she was so distracted by their emotions- but he can’t help it. Sometimes you need to let your happiness reflect off others, if only to make the mood a little more… happy.

 

“Oh, now I’m really excited, Master, I can’t wait! You didn’t have to get me anything though.”

 

Obi-Wan looked down at him with a bittersweet smile, squeezing his hand again. “I really did, Ani. Anyways, your present is just so perfect, I just can’t wait any longer. I need to give it to you now.”

 

Anakin was back to bouncing again, childish glee in his every movement. “Really?”

 

Obi-Wan nodded. “Really really.”

 

He pushed open the doors to the main center of the healing halls, and watched Anakin go through with a pleased grin on his face, watching as an older padawan behind the counter spotted them and waved them along. They followed her down the hall until they reached a door towards the end. One of the surgery suits. She opened it up and Anakin stepped through, body freezing as he took in the lone occupant of the room.

 

“Ani.”

 

Anakin stepped forward, steps faltering for a moment before he let out a little choked sounding noise, barely able to get anything out at all. He was having a hard time breathing. Obi-Wan put a hand on his shoulder and he pulled in a stuttering breath. “Mom?”

 

Obi-Wan just smiled at the two of them and retreated out into the waiting room across the hallway, letting them have their moment together.

 

He got into the room where Owen and Cliegg were waiting, and sat primly on the seat closest to the door, the two others looking at him with amusement. “So I assume the dead is done?”

 

Obi-Wan nodded with a little smile on his face while Owen went to the door to peek into the room across the hall, turning back with a little frown. “He’s short.”

 

Cliegg rolled his eyes. “Don’t be mean to Ani, he’s younger than you.”

 

Owen shrugged. “I’m not mean, but he’s  _ tiny _ .” The fourteen year old crossed his arms, obviously unimpressed with his new brother.

 

Obi-Wan shrugged. “Well, he’s only eleven for the moment, he’ll get bigger in a few years. Besides, if you truly end up not liking him, you don’t have to live with him. Perks of having a jedi for a brother, I guess.”

 

Owen snorted, sitting down on one of the chairs again. “I hope he’s better than that idiot, Gredo. He’s a jerk, I’d hate to have him as my brother.”

 

Obi-Wan smiled a little, tilting his head to the side. “Somehow, I imagine, Ani is nothing like Gredo.”

**Author's Note:**

> gatersgonewild.tumblr.com
> 
> Okay so it may SOUND like Obi isn't okay with Bail getting married to Breha. That's not it. He honestly thinks the two of them are amazing and perfect together, and they're both GAY so he doesn't see why it's an issue, but thing is, like with Satine and Siri, he will always think of himself as the side ho instead of the main bitch. Which is dumb af cause, like Quinlan TRIED to point out, he basically IS the main bitch in all his relationships. He's okay with them all having someone else, but it doesn't stop him from thinking that he's not as important to them as they are to him.
> 
> Anyways, Obi-Wan is literally incapable of not falling in love with everyone ever and this series really gets into that. Also, Bail and Obi's relationship isn't even a 'worst kept secret' okay, they dumb af and everyone know they fuckin.
> 
> BTW in case any of you are wondering ships for this series, main ships are Obi/Bail, Obi/Clones, Padme/Ani, Satine/Siri, Breha/Female character I have yet to decide, everyone here is gay, and if you're not here for it, move along


End file.
